How to Handle the New York Mets

I know I have been off for a week since my last post, and longer than that since I’ve really explored a topic. Today, I will present some of my thoughts on how the New York Mets can turn a franchise that has not made the playoffs since 2006 and had back-to-back epic collapses in September into a contender once more. It all starts with restructuring.

First, I feel that it is the best course of action to incorporate my favorite teams under one umbrella organization, the way the Boston Braves (football, hockey and baseball) and European clubs (like
Barcelona) do business. Now, in my model, all of the teams in question will have the same headquarters and management staff but will keep their current stadiums. Therefore, the New York Mets, New Jersey Devils and New York Jets will now be known as AC New York.

What does this reorganization do to help the Mets? First, it gives them more accountability. Nobody wants to be the weakest link in an organization of your peers. The other multimillion dollar athletes would TOTALLY make fun of them. There is more name recognition for all of the teams and more pride at stake. Now I’m not sure that any of this is legal or if anyone actually operates in this manner, but I believe it is the ONLY way to salvage the team.

Once the Mets become a part of this mega-club, what do they do with the coaches and management? Easy. Fire them (which they kind of already did). I propose leaving Rex Ryan in charge of all football coaching and baseball management operations. He can hire a coach that won’t fizzle out and make decisions that will ultimately cost the Mets the game. Also, he is one helluva motivational speaker. Observe:

This man knows how to rile up a team, make playing fun and keep players hungry and well-nourished. What more could we need?

Now, I know it takes much more than coaching ability to get a team to win. You also need to have players that want to win and have the ability to be better than everyone else out on the field. Rex Ryan knows how to field that team. And if he doesn’t have the best talent (i.e. Mark Sanchez, Jerricho Cotchery, Matt Slausen, etc.) he sure as hell doesn’t let his players know that. He motivates them to do their best, seize the opportunity and compete in every game. The Mets could use some of that fire. Their players don’t event want to go visit war veterans. Pathetic.

First thing I would do when I inevitably am named to the front office of AC New York is cut my losses. Release Carlos Beltran, Luis Castillo, Oliver Perez and every other massively overrated player signed by Omar Minaya and company. We can get some of the Jets players to stand in the outfield and chase down balls, and I’m sure they can throw a lot harder than Ollie. My mind is racing with all of the different combinations.

I can’t tell you how frustrating it is to see teams with similar and smaller budgets for players wipe the floor with the Mets day after day. The difference is that they have TALENT and know how to make that talent grow. The Mets just try to go out and sign the biggest name, not stopping to evaluate the player or project how productive he will be in the following years. Since signing Beltran, for example, his offensive numbers have steeply declined year after year. That is garbage. Get young talent, don’t Strasburg him by bringing him up too fast, and make a winner. To quote the overly aggressive guy from the Everest College commercials, “Why you makin’ it complicated? It’s EASY.”

Once all of the pieces fall into place, the Mets will surely be on their way to the postseason and another shot at a World Series title. I’ll let Tom Berenger as Jake Taylor tell you what comes next (and I apologize for the quality):

Fantasy Football/WHY WON’T YOU THROW TO SHIANCOE?????

Let me setup the scene for you:

Favre and the Vikings are moving down the field in the 4th quarter last week against the Miami Dolphins at home. Down by 4. Needing a touchdown to win. They have the ball with a little under 6 minutes to play with EXCELLENT field position. Naturally, they hand the ball to Adrian Peterson because 1) they only need 24 yards to score, and 2) they want to run some time off the clock.

“WHY THE F*** WON’T YOU THROW TO SHIANCOE???”

Available at BustedTees.com

You see, I don’t care about strategy. I want my fantasy guys to get points. It doesn’t matter that teams are doing the right things to try to win the game. Nevermind that they were facing the Dolphins, a division rival of my beloved Jets. In that moment, one thing was simple. Throw it to Shiancoe. Get a touchdown. I won’t lose this week.

Well in the end they ran on every play, gained 23 yards, lost the ball on downs at the 1 yard line and ended up losing the game. Of course, it’s all Favre’s fault. Go back to that little hole in Mississippi and throw the ball around with your buddies while you all wear Wrangler jeans and refuse to shave.

Anyway, I thought now was as good a time as any to ramble about fantasy football and how it is the single thing that is holding the NFL together every week. Join me?

First off, let me say that fantasy football is amazing. It enables somebody to feel like they are in control of a team and they can do whatever they want to their players with absolutely no consequences. For free. In some leagues there are unlimited trades, free agency pick ups, and no salary cap. Awesome.

Mostly, it makes me feel like I am the GM. If a guy has a great game one week and he isn’t on my team, I slap myself for not being savvy enough to have picked him up. But then I feel like a ninja on Tuesday mornings as I pick up all of the players I want for the next week before all of the other people who have real jobs can. After 2 weeks of play, I’ve made 10 different roster changes. Might be the reason I am 0-2. Or, it might be the reason I’ll end 14-2.

I like to have the power to cut players whenever I want. Oh, Ahmad Bradshaw, your 89 rushing yards are respectable, but you didn’t get me a touchdown. Don’t you know that I get 6 extra points if you score??? Get off my virtual field!

Now on to the main portion of this post. The NFL would not exist without fantasy football. Don’t believe me? Do you REALLY believe there are that many Drew Brees or Andre Johnson or Danny Amendola fans in the country? There wouldn’t be if these guys didn’t rack up 25-30 points for their fantasy owners every week. Would I constantly be looking for St. Louis highlights to see how many points they gave up if I didn’t get points for Amendola returning so many kicks?

Because of fantasy football, NFL Sunday Ticket is such a huge success. Think about it. Sunday Ticket gives a fantasy owner access to every single game so he can flip through the channels to keep tabs on his players. They even let you program into your TV who is on your fantasy team so that way you will get screen notifications when that player gets a catch or scores. Amazing. If you have the Red Zone channel and Shiancoe on your fantasy team, you feel my pain from last week.

New Meadowlands Stadium cost a reported $1.6 Billion

With so many people playing fantasy football and going to bars or paying for Sunday Ticket to watch games, the NFL continues to grow. Money from TV deals allows teams to finance billion dollar stadiums. (Side note: why do people go to football games? For any reasonable amount of money, you still can’t see anything happening. Just buy Sunday Ticket.)

In the end, the feeling one gets from playing fantasy football is probably equivalent to what someone feels like on steroids. Intense power and satisfaction. Unless you are losing. Then you feel like you just watched Carrot Top for 3 hours. Every fantasy owner instantly becomes the authority on who to start, who to sit, and what it will take to win a football game. It also shows us that 99% of these people are dead wrong, incompetent, and should go nowhere near coaching (see my post on Little League dads).

For the 1% of people who actually know what they are doing and consistently win fantasy leagues, I think they should be hired immediately by the New York Jets. That way, we can win a few games, not keep boneheaded players that collect more penalties than 3 year old children (I’m looking at you Cromartie), and win a Super Bowl for the first time in over 40 years.

Hard Knocks/Why isn’t Rex Ryan already on TV?

This week saw the premiere episode of Hard Knocks on HBO, featuring the New York Jets. If it weren’t for the “adult content and language,” this show would easily be on NBC and would sweep the Emmys for Best Drama Series, Best Comedy Series and Greatest Show Ever (which I’m not sure exists, but it should).

The first episode chronicled the Jets arrival at camp at SUNY Cortland and, right away, Rex Ryan proved to be the star of the show. From his opening speech (“They’ll give their best, we’ll give our best, and we’re gonna beat the F*** out of them”) to naming his patio “Cafe Ryan,” Rex just shows that he has a knack for television. He comes out at the first practice wearing a shirt, athletic shorts and high-top Chuck Taylors. Enough said.

Rex Ryan wearing Chuck Taylors at practice (courtesy of jetsblog.com)

Now that we have our star, I guess it is time for me to break down what actually happened on the show. At first, I thought that “Hard Knocks” was going to chronicle the Jets training camp in order, from week one until the season starts. Wrong. The first thing we see is the Revis storyline, with the Jets management trying to keep the best player in football in green.

What are my thoughts on Darrelle Revis holding out? Funny you should ask. With the addition of Antonio Cromartie at cornerback, it would seem that the Jets should be alright for now. Keep in mind that Revis is still under contract for the next few years so, short of a trade, I expect him to come back eventually.

Side note:  Revis isn’t in camp because he wants to be the highest paid corner in the League, which he should be. Problem? That honor is currently held by Nnamdi Asomugha of the Raiders who just signed a $45.3 million deal because the Raiders are, in fact, idiots. They would trade you one quarter for two nickels because two is more than one.

In the end, I feel that the Jets will get the work done to bring Revis back because this is by far the most talented team they have had in quite a long time. With Revis on the sidelines, he is missing an opportunity at a Super Bowl. Let’s ask Rex Ryan how he feels about Revis:

“Does it matter that he isn’t here? Well…he’s pretty f***in’ good.” Thanks Rex.

Which moves me onto my final point, how come Rex Ryan doesn’t have his own TV show? Listening to this guy for 5 minutes offers more entertainment than watching the Kardashian’s wax each other or see the cast of Jersey Shore get smashed and pass out.

All I can say is that even if the Jets tank this year, the season will definitely be interesting. MVP wide receivers, pro-bowl cornerbacks, explosive running backs and a monster of an offensive and defensive line will keep me watching these guys.

Watch out world, the Jets are coming and they’re going to beat the f*** out of you.